When The Heart Breaks

It is no secret that I am terribly directionally challenged. I can get lost so fast that I could probably hold the world record for it! Or if ‘getting lost’ was added as an Olympic sport I could win the gold medal hands down. At times I have been so incredibly lost (yes multiple times) that I didn’t even know where I was. But no matter how lost I have gotten, I have still known where to turn for help.

Just as I get physically lost, there have also been times in life that I have been figuratively lost. Times when circumstances have taken place wounding my heart, threatening my dreams, and distracting my focus. But no matter what has happened in life just as I know where to turn when physically lost, I know where to turn when figuratively lost.

In John 11, Lazarus died and for his sister Mary, his death was heartbreaking. He was her brother and without him, she was figuratively lost. He was her provider, protector, friend and even counselor. When Jesus came to town he asked for her and she quickly ran to meet him. And in John 11:32 the bible says that when Mary saw Jesus she fell at his feet.
When physically lost I turn to a map, I call a friend or I do the unthinkable…I turn on my GPS. But when figuratively lost, I turn to Jesus and like Mary, I fall at his feet. Jesus didn’t scold Mary or tell her not to cry but instead he had compassion on her, he comforted her, even cried with her. For when he was in front of Lazarus’s tomb the bible says, Jesus wept.

It is so important that when heartbreak comes we turn to the right source for help. When our hearts our wounded we can be easily distracted or try to mend our hearts ourselves. Jesus however is the only one that can mend our hearts and bring restoration to our lives. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted (Luke 4:18) and waits with open arms to hold us when heartbreak comes. I am so thankful that I can fall at the feet of Jesus and let him fix my heart, my dreams and restore my focus.

J.C Macaulay once said ‘Keep your heart right, even when it is sorely wounded.’ Every single person will experience the pain of heartbreak. The defining difference is how you respond, and move forward in growth, when the heart breaks. In life there are many things that come at us, wound our hearts, threaten our dreams, and distract our focus. We can’t prevent heartbreak or hard times but what we can control is our response to it.

Confessions of a PK

Have you ever played the game “seafood”? I have, and I once played it in a Chinese restaurant with a nationally known minister who had preached for my dad! As we were all eating, he turned to my youngest brother and asked him, “Do you like seafood?” He then opened his mouth full of half-chewed Chinese food to show my brother his version of “see-food”!

That was part of my life growing up — playing, joking, and having fun with guest ministers who came through our church. We’d jump on the trampoline together, take goofy pictures of ourselves, and talk about the things of God and about what I wanted to be when I grew up. As I was growing up, my idols weren’t movie stars or singers — they were pastors. I saw their hard work and the sacrifices they made because they loved God and wanted to serve Him. I saw the pastors who led congregations and still worked another full-time job to feed their families and pay the bills. I knew pastors who had pastored for 30 years without ever seeing their congregations break 100. I watched as some had to close the doors of their churches.

For those of us who are the children of pastors, we have the opportunity to see the side of ministry few people ever see or ever choose to see. We see the man and woman who bear the title of “pastor.” We see their struggles and joys, their ups and downs. We see how hard they study and how they clean the toilets and vacuum the church fl oors when no one else is there to do it. We see all the phones calls and all the home and hospital visits that are made through the years.

For me, seeing this example lived before me by my parents and by so many other men and women of God was the key factor that kept me from rebelling as a teenager. I always thought, If my parents and those other ministers can endure so much and still love God — if they still want to serve Him and still love people after going through so many difficulties — then serving God really must be something that’s worth living my life for.

There were nights I cried myself to sleep because I was so angry at certain people in my church. There were times when the smile I wore at church was fake because I personally would have rather punched those people than looked at them! But my parents didn’t pity me or let me do whatever I wanted. They taught me to love people unconditionally and to forgive those who had hurt me.

The fact that I’d never heard my parents say a negative word about anyone in our church was a big help to me. Even when people left our church angry, I still never heard a negative word spoken about them by my parents.

All I saw from my mom and dad was their love forpeople. I also didn’t know the financial burdens my parents faced while raising four children and pastoring a church, and I never knew who the biggest givers were or who never gave at all. My parents’ discretion freed me to love the people in my church without struggling with all their faults and shortcomings. My parents raised me to see that being a “PK” (preacher’s kid) is a blessing and not something to be pitied. When I was young, my mom would wake us up singing, “It’s Sunday morning, and we get to go to church!” Church was part of life, and we did it because we loved God and loved people.

My parents didn’t pity me, but they also didn’t ignore the times of hurt either. When I was about 15 years old, a family I had been very close to left the church, and I remember how much I cried. I told my mom, “I just don’t understand why people don’t care. Don’t people know that we’re just people too?”

My mom just held me, loved me, and cried with me. She wasn’t feeling sorry for me; she was just being a mother, crying because her daughter was hurting. Afterward, she looked at me and told me that we had to forgive. It took me awhile to learn what true forgiveness is, but I’m glad I learned to forgive and love people instead of wallowing in self-pity.

In reality, God is the best friend any PK can ever have. He’s the one Person who’s never going to leave the church. He’s never going to write a mean letter or call your daddy an ugly name. When you have no friends at church, God is there. When you cry yourself to sleep, God is there. When you get mad and want to run from the ministry, God is there. No matter what’s going on in life, God is there, and He can make up for difficult things that happen better than any parent could ever do. God is your Source, and He’s faithful to take care of you all the time.

As a pastor’s daughter, I never wanted to see people hurt my parents, but I had to learn to give my parents to God and let Him heal their hurts. And my parents were no diff erent; they had to give me and my brothers to God and let Him heal our hurts. But through all we experienced, we learned that God is faithful, and He will heal every hurt — every time. Growing up in a minister’s home is a wonderful privilege from God. I wouldn’t trade for the world the way I was raised or the experiences I had as a result of being a PK.

As pastors’ children, we really owe a lot to our parents. Their generation did a wonderful job upholding the integrity of the ministry and getting the message of the Gospel out to a lost and dying world. Now it’s our turn. It’s time for my generation to follow our parents’ leadership and example and to make a difference in the world. As we begin to go out and pursue the purpose each of us was born to fulfill, we owe a lot of gratitude to our godly heritage and to the men and women who have run their race before us.

To all ministers and pastors, I say thank you. Thank you for your example and for your determination to follow after God. I ask you for your prayers as those in my generation step up to take the baton and run the race. May we finish our race with as much integrity and love as you have shown us who are following in your footsteps.

Facebook - Privacy Protection

Step that you can take to protect your personal profile on Facebook as well as your reputation on the internet. It is especially important to protect the privacy of your Facebook if you use it for ministry and are friends with young teens.

1. Set the privacy setting to ONLY ME for photos and videos you are tagged in.
   Purpose: This will prevent you from being tagging in an inappropriate photo that would then appear in the news feed of all your “friends”.
   Example: A pastor on staff at a church was tagged in a pornographic photo. He did not add the photo or have anything to do with the post. He was tagged by an individual whom he had added as a friend. The photo however appeared on the news feed of all his friends including even young teenagers. The photo was untagged, reported to Facebook and the “fake” individual was deleted from being this pastor’s friend. But by hiding tagged photos, the pastor’s friends would have never seen the offensive photo.
2. Verify that anyone you add as a friend is a real person.
   Purpose: The latest scam on Facebook is to create a fake profile and then add people as friends and steal their information as well as spam their personal profile. This is done by tagging them in inappropriate photos, posting comments on their wall, or sending them messages.
   How to know: Always visit the profile of the individual that has requested to be your friend. Look at your common friends, their information, wall, and photos. If there is little information, or the information seems strangely generic, do not add the individual.
3. Change your password frequently
   Purpose: This will prevent your profile from being hacked into. When your profile is hacked into, people can spam your friends.
   Idea: Change your password when you return home from visiting other countries or if you login to Facebook using an unsecure network.
4. Never post you home address in your profile.
5. Don’t post your full birthday day. (Omit the year of your birth).
   
6. Realize that by posting on a Facebook Page, your comment is public even to non Facebook users.
   Purpose: Because of the nature of Facebook Pages they are entirely public and all content on them is viewable by anyone on the internet regardless of their Facebook account status. Remember this information will help you keep your public comments general and void of private information.
7. Be careful of your posted photos and the privacy settings on them.
   Purpose: Photos are personal to you, but they can be copied from Facebook and used in other mediums. To avoid this, it is best to limit who can see your personal photos. By creating and using “lists” you can limit who can see your personal photos but still be able to share photos with faraway family members and friends.
8. Be proactive with your privacy settings.
   Purpose: Knowing what your settings are and what people can see is the best approach to protect the information available about you.

Social Media: Photo Guidelines

In the beginning stages of using social media for your church or ministry it is important that you establish guidelines. Today I want to look at some ideas for photo guidelines!

• Photos
  • Remember that photos are not just personal to you but personal to the individual they are of.
  • You don’t need to be afraid to use a photo on the internet but taking a few extra steps before you do so can be really important.

- Churches

• Permission from parents must be obtained in order to post any photo of a child under 13 years of age on the internet.
  • Create a permission sheet for the parent to sign and provide the parent with a copy of the image before posting
  • Because many parents are concerned for their child’s privacy. Consider asking parents if you can use old photos of their child instead of recent images. That way their child no longer looks like the photo you are posting and you are still able show your churches children’s ministry.
  • Permission should also be obtained from any other individual that you wish to post a photo of on the internet
    • This is a great reason to take advantage of photos church members take and post on Facebook. Permission is already obtained.

- Ministries

• Only post photos of children that you can easily gain permission from parents to use. Unless you travel and speak to children or young adults in which case:
  • Get lots of crow shots without faces
  • Bring permission slips for parents
• Since you travel and do not have direct content with individuals from your meetings post photos of adults with digression and be willingly to take down anything if someone asks.

When posting general public photos online everyone should guidelines to make it harder for photos to be stolen: Don’t be afraid to post photos just take a little extra time and use wisdom when posting photos online!

• Post photos in low-resolution. Low-resolution photos don’t enlarge well
• Include a digital watermark on the photos
• Use Flickr – Because it has been set up with a mechanism so that an images cannot be copied. (Yes there are those who have the ability to crack and copy the image but it prevents those looking for a quick photo to swipe from using your image)
• For your website use Flash to imbed photos instead of placing a jpeg. It is a lot harder to steal a flash image.
• Give every photo you post a unique file name. On occasion do a search to see if you can find your photo elsewhere online

Use wisdom and discretion and create a photo policy that will help you as you move forward. Also as a church communicate with your congregation. Make them aware of your social media presence, and the fact that you will be using photos online. By getting church members involved everything will go much smoother and you will have a lot more to use!

Where to Start in Social Media

When getting started in social media there is no wrong way. The best thing to do is to just jump in and start connecting and engaging people in conversation. Consider social media as an extension of your church/ministry vision to reach people. Don’t try to start using all the tools associated with social media at once. Pick one or two tools to start with. Begin to learn about them and then slowly use them.

One great tool to start with is Facebook. Facebook was started in 2004 and is a social networking site. In the last few years Facebook has grown tremendously and would be a great tool for your church/ministry. It is a great starting point for two reasons.

1. You probably already personally use Facebook.
2. The people you’re reaching with your church/ministry are currently using Facebook.

So whether you are facebook novice or an expert start to consider how you can tailor Facebook for your ministry needs. Set up a few goals for your presence on facebook and give yourself time to learn before you launch out on the site. If you want to learn more about Facebook I have created a PDF, click text to open - All about facebook.

Product Placement

Product Placement is defined as a form of advertising where products are placed in movies, television shows or new programs and the storyline does not mention the placement.

This form of marketing / advertising has been widely criticized and discussed. In this day of social media and instant communication perhaps product placement deserves another look.

These are my reason why I think so:

1. Change Viewing Habits
Many teenagers and young adults, myself included, do not watch television shows in a normal way. I only every watch them online and I have friends who record their shows and then fast forward the commercials. Therefore the only way we see new products is to walk past them in a store, from a friend or see Sophia Bush use the product on One Tree Hill.

2. Change in Purchasing Habits
Music has always been placed in television shows and movies for a long time. Today however it is even easier buy a song that you hear placed in a television show or movie. Many networks now while the credits are rolling show the music in the show. As a viewer compulsive buying kicks in and you go and buy the one song on iTunes…or even the artist’s entire album.

3. The power of choice.
Product placement in a television shows still gives us the power of choice. We can choose what show to watch. We can choose when to turn it on and if we ever watch the show again. If the writers place too many products in a show then they know the viewers will tune out….they know we have the power to choose.

Questions to Consider:

1. List some product placements you can recall from TV, Movie, Games, etc
2. Do you think product placement works? What are some benefits and problems with product placement?
3. Do you think product placement is ethical (e.g., misleading)?

Dear Daughter

To my daughter,

My baby girl tomorrow is your wedding day, congratulations. I am so proud of you, my baby girl. I remember the day that you were born. Your daddy was so proud, so proud to be your daddy. You always were daddy’s little shadow, but the spitting image of me. Watching you grow up has been one of the most amazing parts in my life. I am so glad I got to be your mother; I have really loved being a mother. I have loved raising my children, watching you all grow up to the men and women of God that you becoming today. Being a mother has been wonderful but I have to say that I have really loved being a wife.

Your daddy is a wonderful man of God. I know you know our story, I’ve told you over a hundred times and I know you know that we never kissed until our wedding day. You know something else though every time your daddy kisses me even to this day it still feels likes it’s our first kiss. He is so amazing and he loves me unconditionally, we have been in the ministry for our entire marriage. I love to sit and hear him preach, your daddy can really preach baby girl. I love to watch him lay hands on the sick and pray with people to receive Christ. He wrote his fifth book last year, I pretty sure I’ve read it over 100 times.

God has been so good to me He has blessed my life in so many ways. He blessed me with a family and he has blessed my entire ministry. I have preached at crusades and seen millions come to the Lord. I have laid hands on the sick and seen them recover. I have seen the blind see, the deaf hear and the lame walk. I have seen limbs grow where there were none before. I have seen God do so many amazing miracles. I have preached to youth and seen them determine to live for God. I have seen thousands of youth get on their knees and dedicate their lives to the Lord. I have watch 5 years olds get filled with the Holy Ghost and I have had the opportunity to pray with 3 years olds to ask Jesus to come live in their heart. Your daddy and I have started homes for troubled teens. Homes that are networked all over the United States and in just a few short months they will even be overseas. I have written three books now, and I plan on writing more.

My life has been so amazing God has fulfilled every single dream that he has ever placed on the inside of me and even more than I could ever dream of. Now as I look at you, my precious daughter, as you are about to get married and step into the next part of you life, I am so thankful for the woman of God that you have become. I know that you will have a great impact on the kingdom of God and you will touch so many lives. It is so amazing to me that I got to be your mother and that I got to be a part of your life and help mold you into the woman that you are today. I cannot wait to see all that God will do through you and see all the lives that you will change. God has been so good to me; I have done so many things and touch so many lives.
But sadly none of this is true. Not one bit of it ever happened. I never wrote a book or laid my hands on the sick. I never got to see a limb grow out of nothing. I was never able to start homes for trouble teens. I never had a first kiss, I didn’t get married. My daddy never got to walk his daughter down the isle and I’ll never see mine walk an aisle either. No guy ever told me he loved me and no one ever called me mommy. I never got to be a wife, or a mother. Why? Why didn’t I get to fulfill all the dreams in my heart or have a first kiss? Why didn’t a guy ever tell me that he loved me or why didn’t I ever get to hear my baby call me mommy? Why because when I was just 17 years old I committed suicide.

Love,
Your mother
(Well I should have been your mother)