The Choice

THE CHOICE
By Danyelle Wilson


Life, it is so stupid, so volatile, and so pointless. There is no purpose, no real reason to live. There is no meaning to it, no meaning at all and for me suicide is the only way out. I am Taryn Taylore.

The girl who has it all together, that’s me Madelyn James yeah right what a joke. “This” mess isn’t together, my life is a wreck. Yeah my parents are still together, they’ve been married for 30 years so what that doesn’t make life instantly perfect.

I’m a dreamer, people say one day Justin Spencer is going to do something, they say that kid is going places. My parents and baby sister were in the first plane that hit the World Trade Centers. Their lives were cut short when I was only 13. I hate the terrorist for it and I hate God.

Taryn Taylore the girl in black, the one always in trouble that is what has branded my life. Everyone has always said that I’d never amount to anything. When I was 12 my mother left, to me she might as well be dead. My dad quickly became an alcoholic, and spent his days with the bottle. When I was 16 my dad died from alcohol poisoning.

My older brother, he walks the straight and narrow, great for him. Two years ago my parents filed for bankruptcy because some looser swindled the money from their business. No one knows what Madelyn James’ “together” life is like behind closed doors.

As far as I am concerned God let my parents and my 7 year old sister die that day and I’ve never forgiven him for it. My parents were good people they took me and my sister to church every Sunday. My dad was even a deacon in our church, but on 9-11 that all ended and Justin Spencer became an orphan.

I hate my life, it isn’t a fairy tale and all I wish is that it would end. That’s why today on my 18th birthday instead of singing “Happy Birthday to Taryn” I sang good bye to life. I committed suicide. I ended it all well at least I thought I had.

People don’t know how I cut, or how I force myself to throw – up every ounce of food I ever do eat. People don’t know how I every time I look in the mirror I yell at my image “Madelyn, why are you so fat”. People don’t realize the girl that has it all together only weighed 83 pounds and that’s why she’s not alive today. My heart stopped last night. I guess now they’ll see I really didn’t have it all together

Sure people at church still think I am perfect. Perfect Justin Spencer the little dreamer boy. Yeah right the perfect faker is more like it. I pretend to be into all that religious junk just to appease my grandparents but I could care less. Today though the perfect faker, he meet his Maker and he couldn’t fake anymore.

I thought suicide would solve all my problems. I thought it was would all be over just rid the world of Taryn Taylore and make all things better. It’s not over I ended one place of misery only to land in another. Hell is real I never believed anyone. I used to laugh at all those Christians and now I know what they said was right. Life is worse than if ever was in one earth because today I am in hell.

It started with just loosing 10 pounds, so Madelyn James could be pretty but then that wasn’t enough I needed to loose 5 more. Then just one more pound and then that became one more pound. Until one day I weighed 83 pound. I knew all about Jesus and heaven and hell but I didn’t want to give up the control I felt I had over my life. My control snapped though, my heart gave out and now the girl who “had it all together”, she is in hell

Mr. Perfect, yep that was me Justin Spencer. I was in church every Sunday; I even lead worship in the youth band. Hey, what can I say, I was perfect, the perfect faker. The pastor thought of me as a son, I let him down. I knew how much he loved God. I saw it in his eyes, and in his actions. I saw it in the way he lived his life. I knew God was the one and only way but I let my pride and pain get in the way that’s what landed me in hell.

I should have listened. I should have done it differently. If had my life to live over I would live it differently I would have made the choice to follow God and today I wouldn’t be in hell, but I Taryn Taylore, I made my choice.

I wish I had made other choices. I wish I had not been so obsessed with my body image. I wish, I had let Jesus in, but I didn’t, I Madelyn James, I made my choice.

I wish I had made other choices. I know God didn’t let my parents die. God gave people a free will, a will to choose. Some choose to do wrong and their choices affect the lives of others. God gave me a free will as well and I, Justin Spencer, I made my choice.

My choice it has been made. I chose suicide, I choose to get out. I turned my back on God and now forever his back must be on me. I choose not to accept his gift. I choose not let him in. I made my choice and now I must pay for that choice for eternity.

I choose to starve myself, I choose to try to fit in and be popular and to dien Christ. That was my choice. I made my choice and now I must live with that choice in hell for eternity.

I choose to be a faker but I can’t be a faker anymore. I made a choice, a wrong choice and now I will live in hell for eternity.

“Taryn, Madelyn and Justin all made choices, choices that effected the direction that their lives took. In each one of their stories is a piece of me. I have the perfect home life; my parents are like Madelyn’s, they’ve been married for 30 years. I was once a girl who battle with suicide like Taryn, my only wish was that life would end. I was also like Madelyn as well, I was bulimic and anorexic and it almost took my life. I was the girl everyone thought had it all together but yet I once weighted only 83 pounds. Justin shares a piece of me as well. I was once a faker like him. I went to church, lead worship but to me it was all an act. I didn’t mean it and I didn’t care, I was the perfect faker. Ultimately each of them had a choice to make, and I did as well. I had the choice to live and the choice of who to live for. The choice to let Jesus be my all and chase away all thoughts of suicide. To let Jesus build my self image and remember in him I am beautiful. I made my choice. I chose to live and I chose to live for him. I have determined that nothing is going to separate me from fulfilling the call that God has placed upon my life.”

Each on of you must choose as well. Taryn, Madelyn and Justin made their choice and it landed them in hell. You have a choice today, who you will serve. What will you do with your life? How will you live? Remember though you have to live with your choice. No matter what though, I have decided that I will serve the Lord. I’ve made my choice what’s yours?

Cecily Grace took her seat and buried her head in hands that was the bravest she’d ever been. The most she’d ever told. She’d never told anyone about her thoughts of suicide or her battle with her weight. Slowly however Cecily lifted her head and looked around her 12th grade English class, as she did she saw that each eye was full of tears. Then she heard Jesus whisper in her ear, you made the right choice and you helped each one of them make their choice as well.